I’m off to therapy but I thought I’d do a little self care before I left. I sometimes ignore my back fat and pretend it doesn’t exist but hey, its a huge (no pun intended) part of me and I need to start appreciating it too! I declare this back fat monday and I’m celebrating what I got!
This is what my back looks like, almost exactly. And it’s the one part of me I haven’t really accepted and learned to like yet.
This is a response to a message left in my Ask box. Sorry I got a little ~emotional~ there for a sec, but this message really got to me. Tumblr gave me hell about uploading this, so I finally just threw it up on YouTube.
Anyways. I just want you ALL to know that if you’re ever feeling terrible and want to talk about this stuff, I’m here. I can’t fix everything, but I will always be here to listen and/or cry on webcam with you. <3
Kyla’s got half of tumblr in tears right now, no doubt. Haha. She’s got me in tears at least. <3 This is beautiful. And SO true. And I want to show this to so many people because it’s so important. <33
innerfatgirl made a call to all the fatties on tumblr to write a love letter to their body. Mine is more of a note you’d pass to your crush in class but whatev.
Hey body, what’s up? Nothing much here. Except actually a lot here. Because check it, I have a confession to make. I really hated you. For a long, long, long time. Like years and years. Everyone else hated you. My family would make disparaging remarks about you, at school they would laugh at you, on t.v. and in movies there were jokes at your expense. What can I say? Peer pressure!!! I figured there must be something wrong with you.
I put you through a lot. I dieted and my weight fluctuated. I stopped eating that one time in high school for about a week because I knew there wasn’t any other way to make you listen. No one noticed of course because you didn’t change. You have always been a stubborn one.
As you’ve grown with me, I’ve gotten more and more used to you. I’ve noticed the not so subtle ways that you hang and roll and jiggle and bulge. I used to find something to hate in those pudgy parts but as time has gone on I’ve come to realize something: you are me. We’re the same thing. I’m not a person in a fat body just trying to claw my way out. I’m a fat person. Period. Realizing that has changed the way I see you. I thought you were my mortal enemy, it turned out you’re my best friend.
Let’s never fight again, k?
l.y.l.a.s.,
Jen
Even thought I got a late start, I’m gonna try my hardest to do a whole year of self portraits. I’m thinking I’ll set my birthday next year as the end date. Unfortunately I started a few days after my birthday this year but it’ll be ok. I’ll probably be using a plethora of mediums (cell phone, web cam, dslr, point and shoot, possibly film), whatever’s clever. And I don’t want to limit myself to only photos I take because the point isn’t really for ME to take the photos but for me to see myself everyday in the way others see me and to become comfortable in that.
Probably will be posting them over at Photo Jenny and* on my flickr. So please follow those if you’re interested in joining me on the journey. :)
(*I might just post them here? I don’t know.)
I remember constantly thinking that being skinny would allow me the privilege of so many different things. I don’t know how many dresses I bought as inspiration. I specifically remember wishing I could be skinny enough to get a tattoo my rib cage and it really depressed me that “I couldn’t do it because I wasn’t thin enough”. Oh, how times have changed.
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